We all had a little chuckle when Wally The Green Monster disappeared earlier today. Fortunately our lovable (and sometimes terrifying) mascot was found and returned to his home but this doesn’t mean that all is well in Boston. There are still a number of things missing from Fenway Park this year so we did a little bit of investigating as to where we think they went:
MISSING: Josh Beckett’s fastball velocity
THEORY: Beckett’s average fastball is 1.5 MPH slower this season than it was last year. The only possible reasoning is that he spent the entire offseason screaming “snitch!” at photographs of Kevin Youkilis while simultaneously punching the wall. The constant flurry of fists provided a new level of fatigue that Josh’s arm just wasn’t ready for.
MISSING: Adrian Gonzalez’s plate patience and power
THEORY: Sure, Gonzo was just named ‘AL Player of the Week’ but his walk rate dipped to 6% (career low) at the break and his SLG is resting at its lowest point since his rookie year. Our theory is that he spent a few days prior to the start of the season at the Burlington Mall hugging babies and re-injuring his right shoulder in the process.
MISSING: Ben Cherington’s confidence
THEORY: Since filling the hole left by Theo Epstein, Cherington has made very few moves, mostly dealt with his former mentor, and refuses to wave the white flag on a poor season. We’re pretty sure we know where Ben’s confidence went, Theo took half of it with him to Chicago and Larry Lucchino is holding the rest hostage for the extent of Cherington’s GM career in Boston.
Honorable Mentions: Jacoby Ellsbury’s power, Jon Lester’s ability to get guys out, and Heidi Watney. Yep, I still miss Heidi.